I read Love Must be Tough (LMBT) about 20 years ago and recently reread it. Dr. Dobson, the author, is a Christian psychologist and was a host on a popular Christian radio show beginning in the late 70’s and into 2000. His book, LMBT, provides helpful direction for troubled families, and in particular married couples.
Perhaps the best way to describe Prayer by Philip Yancey is by using the adjectives “devotional” and “slow.” Prayer cannot be rushed. It requires the slowing down of activity and a contemplative mind. “Contemplative” is another useful adjective to describe Yancey’s examination of Christian prayer. Through careful attention to the realities of daily life, as well as to God’s promises as they are applied to daily life, Yancey dissects Christian prayer with a raw honesty that resonates with the reader.
If your world has been turned upside down and your heart shattered from finding out that your loved one, whom you have trusted, has lied and deceived you and is suffering from sex-addiction, this book was written with you in mind. The collection of writings from various authors who wrote this book seek to help you as you work through the questions and confusion you must be feeling.
Kathy Gallagher is a woman whose husband was not only addicted to porn, but addicted to other sexual sins as well. Steve, her husband, would often hire prostitutes while Kathy was working in addition to his porn addiction. Since then, Steve has left that life style, and he and Kathy have set up Pure Life Ministries. This ministry is geared toward counseling men who have sexual addictions along with counseling the hurting wife.
No one can tell you how long the anger will last. It may be weeks or months, and hopefully not longer. There will be times throughout the first year – maybe even into the second – when anger will return when a phrase, a smell, a person, or a sound trigger the painful memories. If you find yourself constantly angry, if it is disrupting life and the peace in your heart, seek professional counsel.
This is a hard one. Be as open and fair as possible, and work to make a judgment based on analysis of all actions. Is there a change? Has help been sought? Is there a sponsor of some kind? These resources encourage honesty.
Be somewhat careful about opening up. We recommend that you do not to open up to all your friends and family. Some will be supportive, some will struggle to understand – and some may be very critical of you or your spouse. Speak with a counselor. Find a support group like COSA, AL-ANON or S-ANON. It would be better to keep quiet than to speak with a friend who will be critical or non supportive of you.
No, you should not. Your role is to be something different than their police officer, parent, or guard rail. They need someone who understands addiction; someone who has been there and is working recovery. It is also beneficial if the encourager/accountability partner is the same gender.
Your job is your recovery. You cannot recover for someone else. Pestering or pressuring someone to recover will not work. Cooperation and teamwork are valuable because they give responsibility to all parties involved.
For your personal recovery, focus on your vocations. Be the family member, church member, and member of society that God made you to be.
This depends on you. You have 4 options:
- Do nothing, know nothing and go on as if life is just fine. (It won’t stay that way.)
- Know every detail of everything. This can be dangerous because detail can get in the way of forgiveness.
- Know the “types” of things your partner has done. Know the basic actions – watched porn, went to a sex shop, had an affair, visited a prostitute – so you know how to protect your marriage.
- Simply know they are addicted to porn or sex and try to move forward.