Paul (a fifty-something former user)

I’m in my mid fifties and was addicted to internet pornography for about 8 years, but by the grace of God I can now say it has been about eight years since I last fell into that trap.  I’m old enough to predate the internet by quite a bit.  In my younger years I regularly viewed adult magazines, but gave that up when I got married.  When the internet made that type of material readily available, I unfortunately slid back into the trap.  I lived a double life, hiding my viewing sins from everyone while serving in various leadership capacities in my congregation (committee chairman, officer, Bible study leader).  Hounded by my conscience, I nevertheless felt powerless to stop.  I prayed and cried (literally) to the Lord for help nearly every day.  Shamed by my inability to fight this sin, I lived in emotional and spiritual agony.  King David’s words rang clearly in my ears: “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.”

Finally, I somehow, through Christ’s power, got up the courage to tell my wife.  As I expected, she was devastated and crushed initially.  But we each sought professional Christian counseling.  We had to work through lots of tough stuff, but in the end it was more than worth it.  I can honestly say that our marriage is as strong or stronger than ever.  My wife is now my truest friend and best accountability partner.  My prayer is that Christ’s power in his Word and in his Sacrament will give you the courage to confess your sin to a trusted spouse or friend and begin the journey of recovery.  “But where sin increased, grace increased all the more.”